Jumping Santa

Santa was asked to try out a new parachute with a radio link to a guy on the ground, the guy on the ground would say when to pull the release cord for the parachute.
Santa jumped out of the plane and started to fall when he reached a thousand feet the guy on the ground said ok pull the release cord now, Santa didn't take any notice and kept falling.
He got down to 500 feet and the guy on the ground said quick pull the cord you are getting close, but Santa just ignored him and kept falling.
He got down to 100 feet and the guy on the ground said quick pull the cord, Santa still ignored him.
He got down to 10 feet, the guy on the ground said this is your last chance you'll be killed if you don't pull the cord now.
Santa replied, "Thats ok. I can jump from here!!"

Play at night!

A foursome, including Banta, goes out on the course, only to find themselves waiting on every hole for the most inept golfers they've ever seen, who are playing in front of them.
After a few holes, they start yelling them, but that doesn't seem to speed their game up. By the time they've finished their round, they're so pissed off that they go straight to the golf pro to complain.
"Guys," he tells them, "those fellow you've been screaming at and taunting for the last three hours are blind".
"You're telling us," one of the irate foursome says.
"No, I meant it," the pro says, they're really blind. They're trying to overcome their handicap by participating in sports."
Now embarrassed, the first of the foursome says to the pro, "When they come in, fix them up with new golfers shoes, and put it on my tab."
The second guy adds, "And give them each a new set of club covers and put on my tab."
The third one chimes in, "Listen let them pick out a new golf shirt and put it on my tab."
They all stand there waiting for Banta to contribute something.
Noticing their stares, he says, "What? F***'em. Let'em play at night. Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny

Measuring Device!

Santa was in the dentist`s chair having a root canal done. Every so often the dentist would stick a large toothpick-like object into the tooth`s canal to see how far he had drilled. Each time, this thing caused Santa great pain, but whenever he complained the dentist replied, "Oh, that doesn`t hurt, it`s just a measuring device."
This happened a couple more times. Again Santa complained and again he got the same response. Finally Santa sat up in the chair, took all the stuff out of his mouth and looked straight at the dentist.
"Excuse me for a moment," Santa said. "I have to go out to my truck, get my tape measure and whack you in the head with it. It shouldn`t hurt, though. It`s just a measuring device."  Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny

Puzzled!

Once Santa and Banta were celebrating in a bar. A man walks into the bar and asks what the fuss is all about.
Santa says: "We have just put together a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle in under six hours."
The man says: "So what?€™s the big deal.
The Banta. "On the box it says from 3 to 5 years." Afro Afro Afro Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny

Image!
Santa is traveling by the train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the door, which happens to have a mirror in the front.
He thinks there is someone in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat.
Five minutes later, he goes again, only to find the same man there. An hour passes, he`s made 20 trips to the bathroom only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to Ticket Checke (Our Santa) asked him, "What`s been going on."
Listening to him Santa walks down to the compartment with the troubled Banta to get the man out. A few minutes later, he comes back and tells the sardar "I am sorry, I cannot do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member." Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny Too Funny

Drunk Santa

Santa walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a taxi called for him.
Santa is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, Santa stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a taxi for him.
Santa looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, Santa bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a taxi or the police will be called immediately.
Surprised Santa looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"

False alarms
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.
Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
Banta was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. Banta started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As Banta stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked, "What the heck is going on?"
Banta, still staring down at the sheets, replied, "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."